It had been a few days since my last post and for that I apologize. The last few days have been strange, good, bad, and busy.

In the last few days I have continued my workouts and I feel pretty good with the exception of my feet. The endorphins are a huge plus when you feel like giving up. I have recorded my longest distance as well as personal records for the 1k and the 1 mile. So that is good.

Thursday of this week I have another appointment with the heart failure clinic. I am starting to dread these appointments. They used to be fun and that is no joke. You may be thinking, how is a doctor visit fun? Especially when you are visiting an entire team of cardiologists that are trying to mend your heart. Well I’ll tell you, it used to be fun.

I would go in and just feel happy to be there. Following my diet, medication, and exercise I have made significant progress. The attaboy’s I got from pretty nurses, doctors, pharmacists, and phlebotomists. It was such a great feeling when they would say, “We don’t typically see failure this young, but we also don’t see progress this great.” How awesome is that? Red AND yellow.

But for the last few visits I have gone in super depressed. I haven’t gotten any bad news, my heart is still getting better, but I feel like I’m stagnating. Like a packet of crisps on a roof. I want to get back to that good feeling again.

Then it hits me, this is my other disease showing itself. I have had a psychologist and a few doctors give a guess that I am bipolar. I am usually extremely happy or extremely depressed. I rarely have days where I am not either hyper or totally anti social. What do I do?

The next step is to find a psychiatrist. Get a full diagnosis of the situation and have them start treatment. I don’t feel like Prozac has been helping too much and as I have said previously, they even doubled the dose. Finding a psychiatrist isn’t the easiest thing in the world. I want a good one but I need one that takes my insurance and is flexible with payments as I am starting school this fall and am still unemployed.

With new challenges ahead of me, I want to be prepared and be able to face them mentally and physically. Until then I have the joy of family and friends to help me. And believe me, they do help. I am just afraid of the day that they can’t. For now, this is my main joy. Emma is my amazing niece that I adore to no end. Seeing her smile and hearing her laugh make me think of nothing else. Thanks to adm and jnan for having such a wonderful daughter and allowing me to be a part of her life. It helps more than they know. Thanks for stopping by.

love,
adn

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