Where do I even begin?

As a boy you are taught to be dominant. Obstinate. Rebellious. The only thing I am obstinatious about is this line of thinking. I am not dominant. I am not rebellious. I have my own thoughts and emotions, but they aren’t in conflict with anyone else’s. Therefore, I am an individual without the annoying “you can’t tell me what to do” mentality. My family may disagree slightly on this point, but that’s ok. They can’t tell me what to do. What happens when you aren’t good at filling the stereotypical male role in life? That’s what I’ve been pondering as of late.

First I feel the need to link the title to the subject. A part of dominance is indifference. You will find people that can’t be gulled or bullied into your mindset. You can’t make everyone be the perfect friend, partner, family member, etc. Everyone is an individual at heart and some won’t be swayed by baby blue eyes and dimples as deep as the ocean. Herein lies the rub, if you have been taught to be a good alpha male and you have had success in it, your failures will be few and insignificant. You’re indifferent to them. You move on. I am not indifferent about anything. I try my damnedest to simply shrug off failures no matter the scale with no success. I dwell. I stagnate. In that regard, indifference is killing me. I need to learn acceptance and perseverance.

The second thing I have found about not fitting into male stereotypes is, you will eventually. You will do so not even of your own accord. You become the guy that all the girls wish their guy or previous guys were like. You relish and bask in your glorious rise above. Nice guys do finish. Once you finally have a success under your belt, you turn into the alpha male. Nothing can stop you. You are now the desired and sought after. Instead of enjoying the company you’re in and being grateful for the newfound love, you think of the next move. Why? Because you’re a guy. You’re inherently an asshole and there’s little to do about it. Or is there?

Obviously these are my own opinions and do not reflect much fact. They are based 100% on emotion and facts are skewed by those emotions. I recently felt like I was wronged by someone and I couldn’t just let that person go. I needed them to know how I felt. The more I thought about it and distanced my emotions from actual events, I discovered I was that alpha male. I had someone to like me for me and all my faults and all I could think of is how the other males would react. Never taking into account my feelings or her feelings. I was searching for a trophy. An object for others to covet. What did I end up with? Nothing.

Now, this isn’t really the “end” in so many words, but it probably will be a temporary end of hunting. Deep down I think I am a nice guy. I think we are all nice guys deep down inside. The only thing that separates the alpha males from the nice guys is the idea that in order to be happy our fellow knuckle-dragging cave dwellers have to be jealous and covetous. Let’s all focus on the positive things in our lives. Be happy with what we do have and who we are at the core. Back to the roots. So pick up those knuckles, clean behind your ears, open doors for others, and smile. On three…break!
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